Dealing with college rejections

So today most of my college decisions came out.. I was rejected to every single Ivy-league college I applied to. I expected it but actually seeing it on the screen killed the little hope inside my heart that was dimly lit all along.

Am I unworthy? Am I not good enough? Maybe, but I would like to think otherwise. Truthfully, I relieved and thankful that I got rejected. It ended my pipe dream and the fantasies about the things I would experience in such an academically-rich environment.  Maybe it’s because I was raised in an academically-tense environment that led me to fantasise about these prestigious universities.

In actual fact, I don’t need to go to one to have the best university experience. You seek what you want and opportunities are there for you to find. If I went to a prestigious university where I would rely on ‘the name’ and do nothing except being stressed around such intellectual people, then I don’t want it. I would rather strive in an environment where I’m at the same level as my peers and be actively seeking my own opportunities myself.

I’ve been faced with lots of failure all my life and through these 2 years of High School, there were crossing points and hard decisions I had to make. However, I will never regret applying to these schools. To be very honest, I really enjoyed the application process. I got to understand myself a little better and got to tell strangers about what I’ve achieved so far in my life. I have had conversations with established adults about my dreams and was inspired by the things they told me. Maybe the American application made me appreciate myself a little more, and be proud of myself for a split second.

More than ever, I am more fired and motivated to do well in the public exams that await for me in May. For myself, I will achieve those grades; for myself, I will pave my own success; for myself, I will make myself proud one day.

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For All That Are Struggling With Friendships

Friends are not easy to make; it takes time, commitment, coincidences to establish. Sometimes, I always think that it’s better to have a few best friends who you can really rely on instead of having hundreds of friends, this is my advice to people out there who think they don’t have enough friends and are not popular enough; you don’t need popularity in your life, you need genuine friendships.
For people out there who are struggling to make friends at school, at work or wherever. This is the blogpost for you. I came to England not knowing anybody, unknown to the culture, and I have to admit, I was in culture shock when I first arrived and it took time for me to fit in. In fact, I don’t know if I’m still fully integrated even now.

I was fine with socialising and I made some friends at the start but I started to lose contact with them because I was tired out by the work I had to do and didn’t have the time to socialise. Biggest mistake I’ve ever made. During the time of me engrossed into my work, my ‘friends’ have moved on and created friendship groups naturally. So, I was back to square one again and it took so long and so much effort to make friends again. The period of loneliness lasted a while, I’ve experienced depression, I was crying everyday because I hated the feeling of being an outcast, isolated and friendless. I kept bottling up my feelings and dealt with my own problems, I was stuck in a position where I’m unable to join any friendship groups because I was one step late.
The main problem I made was that I didn’t take the initiative, take the initiative to create conversation with your biology partner, you might find you have quite a lot common interests. Always bring up topics like tv series, viral videos, celebrities, something that everyone has interest in. If you feel you need to change yourself to make friends, don’t, you need to embrace your weirdness because everyone is different and if they despise for that, then they’re not worthy to be your friend anyway. They’re so many people out there that understand and have the same character as you, you’re not alone. Also, you have a long path ahead so aim far and ignore the little pebbles that stop you on the way, they’re just another test to make you stronger. Now when I look back to the diaries I wrote during the time of my depression, I felt like I was exaggerating and over reacting to the situation. Sometimes at desperate situations, we tend to be emotional, so try to calm yourself down and think of solutions to make the situation better. This goes to making friends, getting into an argument with a friend, any kind of situation.
I hope you have found this useful through from what I’ve learnt in past experiences and hopefully opened up your mind and remember that friends take time to establish and that time will heal everything as long as you make the effort to take the first step

Be Thankful

I’ve just realised that Mother’s Day just went by. Mother’s Day was never really celebrated in my house but this year, I’ve decided to show my appreciation.

I always think that we take things for granted, even though majority of the time we say ‘thank you’, we don’t genuinely mean it most of the time. I also think that we never are aware about how much our parents have sacrificed for us, I’ve only just recognised this when I came to England, when I was homesick and missing the support my parent’s gave me. Even when you’re parents might be really busy and never see you, doesn’t mean they don’t love you; they just express it in a different way. This applies to divorced families, although your parents might be separated, and you might feel betrayed and depressed, that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel guilty and love you less. Just look around you: your bed, the meals you have everyday, the education you get, are all sacrifices from your parents. We never are aware of this because you think it’s just a life necessity. You’re lucky because you have technology, you have a computer to read this blog; trust me, there are so many people out there that don’t have an education, a warm home to live in globally. You don’t know how privileged you are. Your parents could spend their money on their own luxury and pleasure, but instead, they spent it on you because they want you to live a good life.

Be grateful to your friends because they are the ones that will support and understand you all the time, they are the people that you can have fun with and let me tell you that not everyone can have this sheer joy. There are millions of people out there who are stuck in life due to bullying and depression; they have no friends and nobody to talk to yet nobody is laying a helping hand because they are afraid. So, cherish those moments when you have a sleepover with your friends because when you come out into the great big world, it’s really hard to make friends in this competitive environment and nobody can trust each other.

Therefore, if you’re thinking that you have no friends or feeling unloved, think about all the countless things you’re parents has done for you (might be one of your memorable birthday parties they organised) and think about all the fun and memories you made with your friends, these make you realise that you are not alone. So tonight when you go to bed, give a hug to your parents and thank them for what they’ve done for you, call up your long lost best friend and talk about your memories; I’m sure these things will lighten up your day once you count the little happy things that happened to you.

Thank you for reading this 🙂 Leave a comment about your worries and create a discussion, let’s all help and support each other💗

Goodbyes

Today, it was my maths teacher’s last day in my school. I never really liked my teacher. To be honest, I didn’t like his teaching methods, he wasn’t my favourite teacher on the list. Today in his goodbye party, he gave each individual a present, as a sign of thank you, he put together a video of all our memories through the past 2 years, and I suddenly realised, I’m going to miss him.

In his book that he gave me as a present, he wrote some words of wisdom to me, he said that life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood, life itself is the most wonderful fairytale. I don’t know when I will meet another inspiring teacher like him ever in my life, his leave suddenly made me emotional and sad. I believe that there are only a few teachers out there who aims to inspire. Even though our lives might not converse in the future, he will still be the most memorable maths teacher I ever had, he made a print on my path of life.

We were singing along to ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz in class because it was his favourite song. The whole class sang it wholeheartedly, making our last encore before his absence. When I was singing along, I noticed my maths teacher quietly standing beside the board shedding a tear, he looked genuinely sad but he acted strong and sang along. Goodbyes are hard, you never really understand until it’s really time. Time flies so fast that when it’s really time to say our final words to each other, it feels weird and you just wish that the moment will stay forever.

Goodbyes are inevitable, but people move on because that’s just how we’re adapted to be. Some goodbyes are harder than others but through time, we will meet new people and eventually, move on. I will still remember when the other teachers asked my maths teacher, ‘What’s your class like?’, his reply will always be, ‘It’s the best class I’ve taught in my whole teaching career’ These little compliments and actions he does to make his imprint on me, just makes me miss him more. Soon he will be stored away in my memory box, as a memory that I can look back at when I’m 50 and smile at..

 

Always Being One Step Behind..

Do you ever have this feeling that no matter how hard you tried, things don’t turn out the way it wants to be. No matter how hard I persevere, practise or work, I will always be the shadow of someone else; I will never get to be the one appreciated or congratulated. I always think that if I’m always going to be casted away; if I’m always going to be the one that ‘only just participated’. What is the point of me working hard?

It’s all because of human’s urge to gain recognition, to reassure our insecure selves that we do have something that we are good at. We always enjoy the things that we are good at, because it makes us feel good. Recognition boosts your self-confidence and it means that you are acknowledged. Why play a video game that is not going to help you in life? Because you are good at it, and it makes you feel happy and important. Importance, the opposite feeling of being invisible, the feeling that you are appreciated and acknowledged, and also having attention from other people.

We get so good at something that we get to the stage where we take pride of it. To the point where other people keeps praising you that you are good at something, so it drives you to think that you are good at it. Therefore, you hate the feeling of failing in that certain hobby, whether it be being good at maths or music. It has become such an important thing in your life, that the feeling of being beaten or shaded will make you feel upset and angry.

However, there are always people that will be better than us. No matter how hard you try, there will always be that one person that is better than you, and it will annoy you so much. You will get frustrated about why can’t you be better than her, you will create this mental competition with that one person that is unnecessary, but you feel like you have to, because the day when you beat he/she, you will feel like you have won. It’s the pride and the reluctance to admit that you are worse, because it is the only thing that defines you; and if you admit that you are worse, that means that you are worth nothing.

Take me for example, I picked up music as a hobby alongside with school and it has developed to the stage where I am at a high level. Music is the only thing that defines me, it is the only thing that I’m remotely good at. However, there is this older girl in my school who is at the same level as me, but just a little bit better. She had fine technique I didn’t have, she had the clean playing style that I didn’t possess. Due to the fact that she was older than me, she had all the performing opportunities, all the praises, recognition and love from the teachers; I was always standing in her shade. Sometimes, I would sit next to her in orchestra and listen to the praises and flowery words that teachers would drop on her, and for some reason, my heart will start to ache a bit. I have worked so hard to achieve what I have, but why do I feel discontented, like I’ve not done enough to prove myself? I will always one step behind her.. 

 

 Now, I have realised that there will always be someone better than. Whether it be someone who I don’t know or someone that is living in the same environment as me. There will always be a higher mountain to climb. I have realised that she will probably have someone that she looks up to and envies, she will also have someone who is better than her, because she is not the best in the world. And so am I, why should we all aim to be the best and drive ourselves to be recognised for our work? Of course being praised and complimented is a good thing, but what is really the most important is to focus on yourself. You get so distracted from the mental competition that you have created that you lose focus on your own progress. Don’t compare yourself to other people because it will just waste your time just thinking about it, because as I said, there will always be someone better. Just do your best, give your everything, convey your passion and just focus on yourself and just you. At the end of the day, you are your biggest commitment. So when you’ve improved and achieved your goals, give yourself a pat on your back, because you deserve it. 🙂

 

Frustration

So…I’m back writing blogposts after 2 years.. Why? Because I’m going through a hard time in my life again.

After failing my GCSEs, I’ve completely lost confidence in my academics. A-levels aren’t helping with it because of the big step-up from GCSEs. Seeing Bs and Cs constantly on my test papers have become immune to me. Why is that? Shouldn’t I care more and work harder to change it? Maybe it’s because I’ve accepted that that’s how far my intelligence goes.

What happened to the confident girl? I hope she finds back her drive, her motivation, the thing that makes her wake up in the morning. Is this what frustration feels like? Where was the girl who spent her days in the library, looking up to improve her grades day by day.

Sometimes, I wonder why I’m so grade-orientated. Is it something that the education system pushes? In my mind, I wish grades didn’t define your future. Ar this point, it’s not being top in your class, it’s being satisfied with how well you’re doing at school. That’s my goal and I will do it. It’s not about proving to others that you can do it, it’s for myself.

No more procrastination, no more excuses, this is your future, so you better work hard for it. You can do it, just think about the ecstatic feeling when you receive that grade sheet in August, it will all be worth it.

You can do it

In faith go forward

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5 K-R&B Artists You Need To Listen To

I have been into K-pop for over 6 years? (Maybe more), since my primary school days. I will never forget the hit songs like ‘Gee’ and ‘Nobody’ has brought to my childhood. I still remember binge-watching SNSD music videos all the time in 5th Grade.

However, sometimes I get bored of listening to the generic K-pop music. They are all catchy, has a good beat and always have the same lyrics. K-pop is more of the kind of music which you stop listening after a month.

Therefore, there are so much more in Korean Music that is yet to discover!! The R&B music there is amazing! And here are just a few recommendations to start your exploration in k-music!! 🙂

1)Zion T.

lShEZUDBI think most of you guys will know this guy. Because he’s one of the most famous R&B artists in Korea and internationally. With his hit track ‘Yanghwa Bridge’, his career was high ever since. Each track he releases tops the charts and are quality! They are soo nice to listen to and his voice is mesmerising.

He is known for his infamous sunglasses wherever he goes and performs. His songs aren’t catchy at your first listen, but give it time, it will grow on you!

 

Here are some of my favourite songs from him!

Yanghwa Bridge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLUvHUzd4UA

Eat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibb5RhoKfzE

No Makeup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqcte1r3aiQ

*Basically all his most famous songs heehee but his album ‘Eat!’ is very good and all the songs are soo good!*

2)Crush

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Who is this cutie pie!? (hahah fangirl mode on!) Yes, this is my favourite R&B artist in K-music, he’s called Crush. He’s only 24 and debuted at 20.

He has an amazing voice and his songs are all self-composed (pure talent!). He’s friends with Zion T. and they were shipped together for a long time (because they were in the same company) but ever since Zion T moved to YG ent., they became distant 😥

(Hence the song ‘Empty’ by Zion T)

I really enjoyed his album ‘Crush On You’, his most recent album ‘Interlude’ was great as well!

 

Here are some of his best songs:

Oasis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1SX7W1IfJw

Whatever You Do: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efvicp2UysY

Sometimes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN4EusA9zmE

Sometimes (Baek Yerin Cover): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtJTcnyGZ04

Woo-ahh: h

ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CM5iC_isug

3) Eddy Kim

Eddy-Kim-01 Here is an artist who is more on the acoustic side of R&B. Eddy is known for his appearance in the survival show ‘Superstar K4’ as one of the finalists.

He is know for his delicate sweet voice and his guitar skills. All his songs are self-written and are the perfect songs to listen to when you’re chilling or reading a book. It’s just so relaxing.

I often find myself listening to him in the dark before I go to sleep, like a lullaby (hahha)

 

Some of my favourite songs from him:

The Manual: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4mH2KvzUQ0

Slow Dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIG5BPyjDlw

My Lips like warm coffee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjWMQyZXm20

Coffee and Tea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3owhJfYZXGQ

4) Sam Kim

13000185_1069845593079474_1808322313633333864_n  This is a rookie artist and just debuted this year . Sam Kim was originally from Seattle in USA and came over to Korea to participate in the survival show ‘K-pop Star 3’, and he finished second!

He’s only 19 and has a lot of talent. He is known for his extensive guitar skills and his soft voice. On stage, he has a lot of charisma. (fan girl alert for those dimples!)

Due to the reason that he has just debuted, not a lot of people has heard his music and I would say he’s underrated for his talent. Therefore, please give him a listen!!

 

Some of his best songs:

No Sense: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TnK6iitTYg

Seattle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiCIDEWVwWU

Since he doesn’t have that many songs out yet, here are some covers he did 🙂

That xx (G-Dragon): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDV8p5wwguI

Englishman in New York: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR-_41ntgK0

5) Lee Jin Ah

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Last but not least, our only female R&B artist in the list! (Shows that I’ve such a soft heart for boys ahha)

I wouldn’t say that Lee Jin Ah’s is proper R&B but she is definitely contemporary R&B artist, with acoustic elements as well.

She also participated in ‘K-pop Star 4’ and finished third!

She is known for her high-pitched and cute voice. Her voice is very distinct but at the same time very soothing. Her piano skills are also no joke!

*She also just debuted this year, so doesn’t have that much original songs*

Here are some recommendations:

Time Please Slow Down (Keyboard version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c84p7Gm2uSA

I’m Full: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB57Dss5XG4

I love you song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haOgUkBHxz8

Sing the Road: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4diiYCvptJw

 

I don’t know if some of these artists are truly R&B style but still, I find them very relaxing to listen to.

Hope this was useful! Follow for more music recommendations!!

♡♡♡♡Comment down below what I should post next! ♡♡♡♡♡

Friends

I think we can all agree that we want to be loved by everyone; we want to be the perfect person that everybody looks up to; we want to be ‘goals’. When I scroll through my tumblr feed, I see these pretty and tanned girls admiring the sunset, instead of feeling a sigh of awe, I had a sigh of defeat. In reality, we really can’t be the perfect person, even the pretty girls in those ‘perfect’ pictures; there will always be people who find us annoying, and there will always be people who don’t favour us. We all have our bad habits.

That’s what friends are for. True and genuine friends will tolerate your bad habits, they’re the ones that share the same characteristics, habits and interest as you; They’re the ones that will help you all the way through life and don’t hold grudges against you. True friends won’t isolate you for someone else; true friends stick up to you no matter what, and trust me, there will only be just a few in your entire life. You don’t need a hundred people to care about you because chances are, the majority of them don’t care and just want your attention; true friends however do care and thinks about your needs before theirs. In primary school, I used to be friendless because I was new to the environment and I didn’t know anyone; I remember I would cry everyday until a girl approached me one day and asked me if I was okay before anyone else; she did it because she cared, she did it because she noticed and was concerned. The feeling was new and touching, it was like finding light in the big dark world and I can tell you that the girl that became my first friend in life is now my best friend for 7 years.

Friends are bonded through memorable things, you both have a mutual memory of each other: the small talks you have with them, the DMCs you talk about all night, the memorable school trips you had together. A friend is somebody that can insult your insecurities and you won’t feel offended because you know they’re joking. Sometimes at night, I wonder what i wake up everyday for, what is something that is worth-while for me to get up and sleep at a decent time? Well, friends do, we look forward to school, to trips, to dates because we want to make more memories with them. Going to school and studying might not be fun, but you will find that the best memories you have in life lies in the memories you make at school. A school is a portal for you to make friends so treasure it. I think there is a clear difference between lovers and friends; lovers are a pair of people who are passionately in love and can tolerate each others flaws; friends are a group of people who respect you for who you are and were there to witness your growth since day 1.

 

My First Concert Experience

Yesterday, I was able to see the legendary band Coldplay in the Wembley Stadium. Despite the masses of people and long hours of wait until they came up, it was an amazing experience.

Through this concert, I finally understood why people say that live performances are always better than watching a concert through a screen. The whole aroma, the whole atmosphere was just completely different. It’s not only you and your computer, but with 10,000 other people enjoying the same music. The thoughts of that is just amazing.

It was not the fact that I was able to see Chris Martin and the whole band up-close, but the fact that everybody was there for a sole reason: to listen and enjoy the music they love. Despite our different backgrounds, from a teenager to a middle-aged woman, we all have one common interest: we all love Coldplay. The fact that people unite for music is just amazing.

It was also a rainy Sunday, and to be very honest, it wasn’t the best weather to be holding a concert. However when the lights turned on and the music turned up, everybody was instantly in a good mood. I can never forget the cheers when ‘Viva La Vida’ came up, the emotion and gratitude we had for these 4 people, making music to motivate us to get through our lives.

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Can we just take a moment and appreciate Chris Martin 🙂

Even though the concert was over and everybody was waiting to get out, there was still the cheering sounds and the singing of the melody of ‘Viva La Vida’. Naturally, everybody joined, it was such an emotional scene, we were all connected together because of Coldplay. Through this concert, I have truly understood the power of music.

I don’t think I could have asked for a better first concert experience. Coldplay was the perfect match, their songs were motivating and unique, they are different from the mainstream artists. They have something special that makes everyone appeal to them, this aroma around them, I can’t explain it.

I will never ever forget when the yellow lights that lit up across the whole stadium when the song ‘Yellow’ was playing. Let’s hope my second concert will top this one! haha 🙂

Thank you for reading! Follow for more posts!

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A Story of Success (Pt. 1)

Everyday, I go on Facebook and Instagram, looking at these flawless pictures of celebrities. I want to be one of them, so badly.. so badly…

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if I had a thousand wishes, so much easier if I had wealth and love at the same time.. There is this ideal world that I picture, and it always seems far away from me. Why is life so unfair?

I went to bed that night, holding on to this thought. The thoughts of a successful life, fame and money. I snuggled up in my humble bed, and went to sleep…

I woke up to see that I’m stuck in blank space, nowhere to go. There was a wavering spirit shaped in purple, I stepped closer to it.. It said to me, ‘Do you want me to grant your wish?’

Not knowingly, I naturally nodded, and everything went back to darkness. Not knowing that it was the turning point of my life..

I woke up again, to find that I’m back at home, back in my sheets. So it was a dream, huh.. no such thing as magic in this world.

But then I heard the sounds of cameras and saw flashes outside my window. What’s going on? I looked out and saw a herd of 20 photographers waiting patiently outside. I was confused, what is happening.

Idiotically, I opened the door and stepped outside. Before I even said a word, the photographers already started taking photos, the brights lights were so shiny that I was confused of what to do. I just stood there, letting the voices past me by, I’m so confused.

I went back in and looked at phone. I scrolled down to Facebook, and to my amazement my whole feed was filled with my articles. Articles about me releasing a new album, a new fashion line and being the top 100 richest people in the world. How did this all happen in one night? Has time advanced? Am I in the future?

However, naturally I smiled and giggled.. This is the life I’ve always wanted! It’s happening now!!! I screamed inside. Just imagine how many things I will be able to do in my life!

Well, that’s what I thought…

 

*Stay tuned for part 2!!*

haha I just felt like writing a short story, nothing much. All the things I’ve mentioned are fictional!

*Comment and follow for more ♡*